Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Love, Sin, and Divorce

With the debate over same sex marriage raging in our country, an accusing finger is being pointed at Christians, and this time it's not the church as a whole, but specifically the Evangelical Church... and this time it seems to be all too true. For in rebuking those who have chosen an immoral lifestyle, whether hetero- or homosexual, many would say we have left ourselves wide open for criticism.

You see, many are so willing to point their fingers at others while excusing their own sin. As has been said before, brothers and sisters, these things ought not be. It is so easy, as Jesus reminded us, to point out the splinter in someone else's eye, while ignoring the 2 x 4 beam in our own eye:

For with the judgment you use, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:2-5 HCSB)

Let me be clear, sin is sin and there is no excuse for living in it. and this warning comes from the same world that typically doesn't even admit that there is such a concept as sin. Their finger points at the 21st Century church and says that we are just as guilty as anyone else because of the big "D" word... divorce. Here's what I'm saying, when the world points out our sin, we need to take notice. That means no lifestyle should be excused simply because it is prevalent.

Here is the truth. Divorce is tragic. Divorce hurts. Divorce destroys. Divorce is real. Divorce touches way too many lives in the church.

So, since that is the case, we need to know what we believe about divorce. Let's look at what the Bible tells us.

Moses told the children of Israel that they could divorce their wife (see Deuteronomy 24). This way of thinking was actually revolutionary in that culture. For the first time, instead of a woman being kicked out in the street, the man had to actually give her a reason and issue a divorce decree. This in and of itself gave the wife rights never before seen in the ancient near east. Still, the problem was not to offer a good outcome, but, according to Jesus, was the result of a hard heart (see Matthew 19:8).

Jesus went farther and said that the only reason for divorce was for adultery (see Matthew 19). This was a radical departure from His culture, and for most of the last 2 millennia has stood as the overarching reason for justifiable divorce. Remember, Jesus almost lost his step-father, Joseph, over accusations of immorality leveled against His own mother, Mary. Jesus would have known the history of his own birth and all the controversy surrounding it.

The apostle Paul, in dealing with the fledgling church, addressed the problem of being married to a lost man or woman who wanted to leave. His word was, if the unbeliever wants to leave, let them leave (See 1 Corinthians 7). The point is this, when there was a spiritual rift in the marriage that was irreconcilable, the Christian, in showing love, was not to force a lost spouse to live with them. They were given the allowance to release the unbelieving spouse.

This allowance was also seen in the Old Testament (You can read Ezra 10 for yourself here) as the men of Israel had married foreign women who were, by implication, also unbelieving and idolatrous. The Lord was so horrified at the weakness of these men to marry non-Israelite women who followed other gods that He told them to divorce their wives. The lesson was and is obvious, in this one and only case, divorce was not just allowed, but commanded. For just over 100 men, they had to release these wives because of their unlawful marriages. Yet out of all of the exiles, these men were still the exception and not the rule. When it comes to marriage and divorce percentages, out of 42,000 men only 112 or so took this drastic measure. If you're running the numbers, that is only 1/4th of one percent needed to divorce their foreign wives. Statistically, that means 99.75% of the men had remained faithful and had obeyed God. God saw these foreign marriages as unlawful and for these men, the proper solution was "divorce".

Chasing a rabbit here, but that may be where the statistic comes from that 99.99% of husbands and wives that pray together, go to church together, and serve together will stay together. I've always wondered who that .1% are, and there they are in the Bible. My point is, when it comes to people, there will always be exceptions to the rule.

Here's my point, divorce is not unpardonable as some seem to believe. For a believer, there are many times that they are more the victims of divorce rather than instigators of divorce. I have known godly women who have seen their husbands leave them, never to return, in spite of the reconciliation sought or the Christ-like love demonstrated. In defense of the believing church, statistically, those who are conservative, Bible-believing Christ followers are 35% LESS likely to divorce than the rest of society. So, Christ does make a difference (these most recent statistics are in a study researched by sociologists in 2012 and can be found here). This is a far-cry from what I have heard for two decades that the church's divorce rate is the same if not a tick higher than the rest of the world. Thank the Lord for that.

But need I remind you that our churches should be full of struggling people who have been shown love by those who have also been forgiven? The church is not a sanctuary for saints, but a hospital for sinners. Jesus forgave the woman at the well who had been divorced and re-married so many times that she had gotten sick of marriage and was living with her latest lover. So, what did she do once Jesus forgave her? She ran back to her friends (probably with similar lifestyles) and brought them to Jesus so they could experience the same love and forgiveness the Son of God had offered her (Look at John 4:1-30). So here's what I'm saying, divorce numbers, from the earliest times of the Christian faith, are still probably skewed toward more divorce in the church. Why? Because of the example and command of Jesus to bring broken people to Him for healing of their souls. In our defense, we are ministering in the name and the ways of Jesus by offering forgiveness, love, and acceptance for all who will come.

So Christians, we must love the hurting, the downtrodden, and the broken. We must also live as those who are different from our culture holding up the standards of godliness and morality our Lord and His word so clearly gave us. That is how we can love those who have chosen what is often a precarious and destructive path. We let them see a better way in our lives. It is the way of 1 Corinthians 12:31. That is why our example and lifestyle is so important in this world. It is the way of love. Love for our spouses, our children, our families, our neighbors, our fellow workers and students, and even our enemies. Christians, love. Love is supreme. It is God who demonstrated his own love toward us in that while we were still His enemies, He loved us (Romans 5:10). It is that kind of love that will make a difference in the world. Are you prepared for all that Jesus can do through you once you authentically, deep down love others as Christ does?

Let me close with this, regardless of your past, you can choose today to live free of the destructiveness of sin's ways and choose to follow Christ's way. Jesus Christ offers that same love. Jesus wants you to have hope, peace, and forgiveness, and grace, no matter who you are, nor what you've done. You are the one whom God loves... and there is no exception to that rule.

Pastor Trey Rhodes

 

Friday, February 22, 2013

You Can't Make a Horse Drink, but You Can Salt His Oats

Horses are obstinate. I speak from much expereince. you see, I rode them for many years when I was younger. We learned to ride, saddle, bathe, and generally take care of them. One of the most difficult things I learned to do was cleaning the mud and dirt out of their hooves. Here's how i learned to do it. You placed your shoulder under the front shoulder of the horse, which him to shift weight off the hoof. Then as you straddled his leg, you lifted his hoof off the ground which exposed the bottom of his hoof. You then used a hoof pick. You gently cleaned his hoof, Then repeated this with every hoof each time you rode. Only it wasn't as easy as that. Inevitably, the horse had another plan rather than having his hooves cleaned. He would much rather eat, rest, run the pasture, and a host of other things. Besides that, he can push his 1000 pounds of weight on a 120 pound teenager. It was a wrestling match. I was knocked down, stepped on, bitten, kicked, and spit on. Yeah, you can lead a horse to water, but you sure can't make him drink. Why? Horses are obstinate.
But that never happened with Dan. We called him Dan the man. He took control and finessed that horse to raise his hoof and allow his hoof to be cleaned with no problem. What took me an hour to do, he did in about 5 minutes. He was, after all, Dan the man. What was the difference? He had developed a skill that made it look easy, even when dealing with an obstinate horse.
While I'm not saying that all men are obstinate, I am saying that there are skills to learn to deal when dealing with them. There are skills that can help you teach them to improve your relationship and your family. it can help with dealing with men at your place of work and at school and really with nearly anyone...even obstinate people. You see when you want a horse to drink some water, you can't make him...but you sure can salt his oats. That's where the skill comes in.
The Bible teaches us to salt our speech. You can find these words in the letter to the church in Colosse:
Your speech should always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person. (Colossians 4:6, HCSB)
We are given the exhortation to craft our words so they are seasoned and gracious. That is how we can make teachable moments with those we love. How does that work? Just like salting the oats of a horse can him drink water, as obstinate as they are. Salting our speech can also develop a thirst in the person who needs to be influenced so that they can learn to do the right thing as well.
The bushmen in the Kalahari desert have an ingenious way of finding water. It involves salt and baboons. Here's a video that explains it much better than I ever could.
That is the way we want people to,respond to us...not with accusation and force, but with finesse and ingenuity. That's what salting is all about. If you would like to know how you can influence others for their best, here is a worksheet you can download and use that I adapted from Gary Smalley's book Hidden Keys to a Loving Lasting Marriage.
Keep the salt handy!
Pastor Trey Rhodes
Pastor Ivey's Final Sunday at Oceanside Church - Pastor Ivey will be preaching, we will have a special video presentation, and a commisioning service. Also plan to give to his scholarship fund which will go to his Southeastern Seminary tuition.
Dinner on the Grounds Honoring Pastor Ivey and Allie - Bring a side and/or dessert. We'll do the rest. Let's send Pastor ivey and his family off with a great time of fellowship and encouragement.
We need YOUR help with the NEW OC Website - It's the same address, www.MyOceansideChurch.com, but we need you all to search for it multiple times on Google so we can get the count up and move up to the first page like we used to be. THANK YOU!!
New Sermon Series The Cross Was Enough begins Sunday, March 10. The Cross has such power that it is enough to save ALL that come. Plan to attend every exciting service at Oceanside Church.
Palm Sunday Candlelight Service - We will partake of the Lord's Supper together as we remember Jesus' final supper with His disciples. Sunday Night, March 24th, 2013, 7 p.m.